The Trap of Putting Others Down to Build Yourself Up


Putting others down to build yourself up. It’s the kind of thing we recoil at when we see people doing it - but if we’re honest with ourselves it’s something we’ve all done (and perhaps even do).

We don’t do it because we’re terrible people.

We’re not bad. We’re not broken.

In fact behaviors like this often stem from low self esteem and disconnection from our true path and purpose.

We don't do it because we have all the answers - we do it because we’re lost.

However, over the years I’ve noticed a pattern. And there’s something at the root of this tendency that everyone has.

Why do we really put down others to build people up?

It all stems from the scarcity mindset.

When we have an abundant mindset there’s enough love, friendship, clients, money, and resources for everyone. No one is left out. And if we haven't yet received our desires in the physical plane, then we know it’s not anyone else's fault.

The abundant mindset accepts that we create our own reality, and that the degree to which we’re able to receive the limitless abundance all around us, is the degree to which we accept it as our sole reality.

The abundant mindset is free of outward conditions. It understands that our world is created from the inside out.

The scarcity mindset works in the opposite way.

Scarcity vs Abundant Mindset

It believes that there are only a limited number of resources.. that there’s not enough love, friends, clients, or money to go around. And so one must fight and compete with others to try and gain the upper hand.

The scarcity mindset accepts it outward reality and conditions as Truth, and feels helpless to change them.

The scarcity mindset is orphaned from its connection to Source, and therefore cut off from the river of abundance flowing all around us.

Without this connection to Source and abundance (which is our lifeblood), the scarcity mindset turns on the people around it.

It refuses to receive the natural abundance that is it’s birthright, and so it tries to steal this abundance from others.

This is the mindset that puts other women down instead of lifting them up.

The mindset that makes everyone else the source of their ‘lack’.

As a Spiritual Coach I come across this mindset most.

It’s not about judging ourselves for experiencing this mindset from time to time. If your internal game isn’t strong, then it’s something that can creep in.

Instead, I prefer to focus on how we can transform this scarcity mindset, and help others to do the same. As long as we stay aware, keep learning and taking responsibility for our worlds, then we’re getting somewhere.

So.. how can we transform the behavior of putting others down to build ourselves up - to a place of lifting others and rising with them?

1. Daily Connection to Source

When we’re in the scarcity mindset it’s primarily because we’ve lost our connection to Source. We feel orphaned and abandoned by life and cut off form the flow that is the true source of our abundance.

Like any relationship, this connection needs to be cultivated. And that means giving a little (or a lot!) of our time and attention to it each day.

Creative ways of doing this include, journaling, meditating, praying.. even dancing, singing, or painting! All you need is an openness to Spirit and a heart of gratitude.

The abundant mindset has a steadfast, unwavering connection to Source.

2. Radical Responsibility for our Reality

The scarcity mindset sees the source of it’s problems as something outside itself. It’s the voice telling us saying “It’s my boss that’s wrong.. my partners fault.. the market is saturated.. my friends don’t understand me”.

It blames everything outside of itself for its physical reality.

However, as we know, the Universe doesn’t work this way. WE are the source of our reality, and if we experience lack in our work, or relationships, or abundance, then the cause is within us. We understand that there’s something inside of us that we need to build, transform, or let go of. And this is incredible empowering!

The abundant mindset takes radical responsibility for it’s reality.

3. Realizing that My Truth isn’t the Only Truth

Oh, our beloved ego. So beautiful and yet so pesky sometimes!

The scarcity mindset, cut off from source, and blaming everything ‘negative’ outside of itself, also thinks that it’s reality is the only reality.

It judges other people by it’s own personal beliefs, and erroneously believes that everyone wants the same thing. That everyone want’s what IT wants, and so everyone’s in competition.

If I’ve learned anything as a Spiritual Coach, it’s that (when we’re true to ourselves) everyone wants quite different things. My first class life is very different from your first class life, and that is what makes the world so beautiful and diverse.

As the old saying goes, there are many paths to truth.. and ours is but one.

The abundant mindset understands this. And in doing so, it releases itself from judgment, and accepts and appreciates everyone for where they are right now. It seeks to support other people’s truth, in the knowledge that it makes all of us stronger.

So, if you ever find yourself slipping into the mindset that puts others down to build yourself up - it’s OK! You’re not a terrible person.. just cultivate awareness around this behavior, and follow these simple steps to move into a more abundant way of being.

Without even trying you’ll feel the old symptom of scarcity disappear, and you’ll soon be lifting everyone else up, and celebrating their wins with them :)

This goes out to all our sister, lifting, loving, and supporting each other in our journey’s.